When I was a kid, there was no choice about what kind of phone you had. It basically came with the house. Remember, I’m old, and this was back in the day when there was Ma Bell and that’s it. Our phone was screwed onto the wall right between the kitchen and the dining room. I was thrilled when we finally got a second phone-kept in my parent’s bedroom-just as I was entering junior high so I could talk to members of the opposite sex in private. That they didn’t want to talk to me is a topic for another blog.
Attached to the wall next to the original phone was one of the few things my father put up as a decoration in the house. There are many things I can’t remember that I wish I did, but 38 years after I learned to read, I still have this stuck in my head: “Nothing is as easy as it looks. Everything takes longer than you expect. And if anything can go wrong, it will-at the worst possible moment.” You may recognize that as Murphy’s law, or at least a variation of it. Years later my dad would get a poster that had many extensions on that similar theme, which could be best described as a pragmatic fatalist pessimism. (Ironically, one of my favorite sayings on the poster simply read “Murphy was an optimist.”
Now I’m pretty sure having this a not-so-subtle reminder every time I spoke on the phone is what helped develop my self deprecating sense of humor. But something got me thinking about it last week, and I wondered if it didn’t have more of an influence on me than just my comedic timing. There’s a part of me thinks people tend to drift towards the more pessimistic side of nature. There’s a message from your boss that he needs to see you. A police officer pulls behind you while your driving. You turn on the news. All of these usually are accomplished with a twinge of dread as we envision worst case scenarios. And there are people who believe that this goes back thousands of years and is part of our genetic code. Here’s a fun experiment to play with a friend. Stand perfectly still and let your friend slowly walk closer and closer to you. At some point, when you feel like they’re a little too personal in your personal space, most likely you’ll find yourself smiling and letting out a nervous laugh. Some people believe that you’re not smiling but instead baring your teeth to ward off the intruder by showing how mean and tough you are. In other words,you’re expecting the worst from this situation.
So that leaves me two choices. Choice A is that I can blame both nature AND nurture and just except the fact that I should be a pessimistic person. That would certainly be the easy way out, and God knows I’m a big fan of doing whatever easiest. But in spite of my laziness, I’m going with Choice B. Pessimism isn’t based on our reality, but our perception. We perceive the possibility that our boss has bad news for us. We perceive the possibility that the cop will pull us over. The reality is usually much less innocuous than that, and that’s the perception I choose to have. I don’t think my boss is going to hand me a cake any more than I think the cop is going to give me a “Citizen of the week” certificate. I think my boss will tell me about a change to the drink menu and the cop will go on about his day, possibly unaware who was even behind.
People think to be an optimist means running around like little orphan Annie and singing about how the sun’s gonna come out tomorrow. I think optimism is much simpler than that. I accept the world for what it is, warts and all, and I know that bad things can happen. And just because I accept that doesn’t mean I’m any less disappointed when they do, or feel any less sympathy for those who are affected by it happening. I just know that it doesn’t mean it’s always going to be bad. I know good things are out there waiting to happen all the time. The number of good, simple things that have happened to me in just the last two days, some of them unexpected, are what keeps me moving forward and having that inherent belief in goodness. It’s easy to dwell on the bad things that happen. They tend to carry a more socially acceptable emotional weight, if not necessarily a greater one. If you are sad or hurt or angry, people empathize. If you are happy and joyful and ecstatic, they’ll probably back away from you slowly while asking if there’s medication you should be taking.
Remembering the bad things that foster pessimism is easy. I challenge you to take a little bit of time right now and think of the good things, the events and memories that bring happiness to you. Instead of expecting to be pessimistic, begin to become optimistic. Learn to take a few minutes every day to remind yourself of the good things, not just what happened to you directly, but stories from around the world, that help show you, warts and all, there are still plenty of reasons to expect the best and look for it.
Incidentally, one of those things I wish I could remember instead of the Murphy’s law plaque are my nephews’ birthdays. My brother had to remind me that my youngest nephew, Joshua, is having a birthday this Friday. He’s turning 6.
Or maybe 7.
PopcornJackTerry 